In preparing for a move to Germany, one aspect of German culture you should be aware of is the deep-seated belief in personal privacy. When you arrive, your neighbors are unlikely to introduce themselves or bring over cookies while you are unpacking. Instead, they will wait until you are settled in and you invite them over. As a newcomer it is up to you to make the first overtures – introducing yourself and inviting neighbors for coffee or to a housewarming. This attitude reflects their desire not to infringe on your privacy by just stopping by or offering help. They feel when you need help you will ask and when you are ready and all is in order, you will invite them in.

It is not that Germans are cold people. On the contrary, they are, for the most part, warm, passionate, opinionated people, who love a good political discussion. However, there are many rules that guide their social behavior, interactions and standards. Once you move through the many doors to friendship, all barriers will be gone and any topic will be open for discussion. You will have a friend for life!

Birthdays are another issue. Don’t feel slighted if you don’t get an invitation to a friend’s party. He or she most likely did not send any out. You are expected to remember the birthday, especially for a close friend, and stop by or call. It is, by the way, considered bad luck to wish someone a “Happy Birthday” before his or her actual birthday. It is better to celebrate the day or if need be, wait until afterwards.

Gifts vary, but are generally not too extravagant: a bouquet with an odd number of flowers (an old European tradition), chocolates or something pleasant but not too personal. What is most important is that you bring something to celebrate and brighten the day of the host. This holds true, too, when invited for dinner. A small gift -- a plant, flowers or sweets -- is appreciated.

Expect a while to pass before being invited to use a neighbor’s or acquaintance’s first name or to discuss personal issues. German formality is so much a part of the culture that even the Germans find humor in it. An old German joke scans: It was a certain couple’s 50^th wedding anniversary. They were dining in an elegant restaurant, casually chatting. The man reached across to his wife and took her hand. He asked, “Dear, we have been married for 50 years and I am so charmed by our relationship. I want to give something special for our anniversary. Ask for anything that I have to give and it is yours!” His wife looked over him shyly. In a low voice, she said: “Darling, Herr Dr. Schmitt, tell me, after all these years: what is your first name?”

Once you can recognize German customs for what they are, a way of showing respect to others, your social relationships and network will become a positive experience to treasure forever!

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