During the first few months, and even up to the first year, moving overseas can be a delightful experience (barring the red-tape and many documents that need to be filed). There is so much to see and do, as well as getting settled—the new home, new school, new social groups, opportunities to travel (how many castles have you seen?) and more! But what happens after the “ relocation honeymoon” when you have to settle down to “ real life”?

Recently, I received a letter from a woman who was concerned about the changes her son and his fiancé were having after living overseas for a year. They had moved to a town in eastern Germany where he works for a company and she attends a local university. They made friends from both work and school, developed an active social life and seemed quite happy, but after nearly a year they were feeling isolated and lonely.

They may be experiencing any one of a variety of relocation phenomena: acclamation stress, separation stress, the holiday blues, or something that I find most of my transitioning clients experience: the window of Self-Discovery. This includes the need to face themselves, who they are and what they want. Once the excitement of the move and the newness pass, and life begins to settle into a routine, many people find that they simply don’t know what they want to do with themselves, and consequently feel lost. Often they had sought out fellow expats who speak the same language, but who might not share the same culture or interests. And all too often, these groups spend much of their conversations focused on the woes of living overseas—conflicts between the local culture and their own, and how things could be done differently. A lot of energy often goes into the problems, and far less into how wonderful the differences are. Little attention may be paid to how much the individuals themselves are changing thanks to living abroad….how much they have learned about themselves and the choices they have made that have helped them grow, personally, professionally, and more.

Once expats settle down into their new “homes”—with light fixtures attached, bathroom cabinets installed, kitchens functional, language classes attended, etc — the psyche opens up and asks “now what?” Now that you are no longer quite so busy, you feel the need for fulfillment. All the old things may not feel satisfying anymore.

For most people, until they moved overseas, their everyday lives were so busy that they didn’t have time to stop and explore what they wanted. When you move to a new environment, you are faced with choices… and before you can make ones that will fulfill you, you need to understand what you want in your life. This is an opportunity that comes with the territory of being an expat—a very special, but difficult, gift.

Expats who explore who they are and get to know themselves better usually find that the overseas experience is a fantastic, once-in-lifetime chance. Those who skip the self discovery may go back to where they came from unhappy, bitter, with relationship difficulties. They will have missed all the opportunities the new environment had to offer them.

Whether you move to some remote village or to a city with a large expat community, if you are like most people, the self discovery phase is sure to open its doors to you.

Here are some questions you might find helpful in beginning your personal exploration:

What gives you joy?

…..how are you experiencing joy in your new home?

…..what do you need to feel more alive?

What inner resources do you have that are flourishing here?

…..which ones are you not using?

What excited you about coming to Germany?

….what are you learning about yourself? About others?

What issues are coming up for you?

what lessons have you learned from them?

what have you learned about yourself?

What are your interests?

What do you like to do?

What attracted to you to Germany in the first place?

What would you like to gain from the experience of living in Germany?

Once you have explored what you want, you will have a better idea of what to do and where to go, to clarify your vision, set some goals and take new steps. More importantly, you can give yourself credit for all you have learned and accomplished since arriving.

Successful relocation is not just about making friends, but also about learning about yourself and creating the life you want. Finding connections and friends then comes more easily. No matter what choices you make, you will feel more fulfilled because those choices will be made in alignment with who you are.

About Author
Sandy Weiner, Master Certified Coach, Career Management Fellow, is a partner in the firm 1-Focus International, a coaching and organization enhancement firm. She is an American living in Berlin, working with clients internationally to help them be their best. For information regarding coaching contact http://www.1-focus.org or sandy.weiner@one-focus.org, with “re:goinglobal” in the subject field.